EAST OR WEST HOME IS BEST BUT JAMAAZ WEKENI MIGUU PAMOJA KWA MAT

So here I am sitted in a mat next to the window when this jamaa/baba comes and sits next to me. The guy then decides that I dont seem to be needing the space and sits like he is a Hindu guru or monk in meditation.We believe that you are as flexible as you think,no doubt,but you dont need to display your flexibility in a public service vehicle,there are rooms/sports you know,yoga, taekwondo, kung fu last but not least............wait for it..............wait for it...............ngoja kidogo tena............. kidogo tu...................... drumrolls please.......................THE BEDROOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I bet you didn't expect that and gentlemen using such skills in this area may proof to be quite advantageous if u get the drift *wink* wink*(We know that such actions may happen in other rooms and areas kama gari but bedroom is most important).

So back to the matter in hand the guy sitted next to me with his legs all over the place. I decided to get some expert advice on the matter and who better to ask but the guys themselves. This is the best answer I got ni maumbile yetu. Maumbile yetu my foot, seriously ur maumbile ain't that big,according to international standards it aint big my brothers,it aint. I don't know if it is flossing u r trying  but it is not working on your favour or should I say we are too squeezed to the window to notice.So the guy is not "big" and he doesn't have long legs but due to the "stupid behaviour" he must extend his God given lower walking structures to my side bila any problem.
 
So lets not only complain but also render solutions. Let us first start with  the guys who just cant help the fact that they are tall. Ok dude y do u want 2 squash yourself, do like this time a mat, be the last  person to enter then u know that seat ya kato at the back, ni yako ama you book that kato seat in all the mats .If it is inevitable and you just have to sit in the kawaida seat,please sit diagonally to the perpendicularity of the seat you are sitting in .............for a person of non-jaka descent or if you dnt get PLO Lumumba KAA MIGUU IKIFACE ISLE.

To those with the horizontal extensions (refer to KITAMBI aka one pack aka pot aka pot belly aka katumbo) we understand that your legs dont have the capacity/strength to support your belly when you sit. Here are a few options to help solve your issue. One panda a nissan( that is kama utatoshea) then sit at the seat that is on it's own behind the conductor.Or better yet sit hapo mbele na driver. Ama lipia viti mbili. Better yet the effort in terms of money and time to get that kitambi of yours ungebuy gari instead and better yet a custom made car like a suit which can accomodate your special needs.
We all need some space especially your own personal space  so don't come and invade mine when I'm perfectly  enjoying it by you and your legs coming all up in it.

 We not hating,we just speaking the truth,telling it as it is,Harsh Realityz.

Mount Sinai,the bush burned and so did Kenya

 Before writing ths article we took a minute to pray for the souls for those that have died and to pray for who are injured for their quick recovery. We from the Kenyan Madness team also request that any one reading this to go and help in any way they can. One may donate blood, heaters for the hospitals or monetary help if one is able. Yesterday the phrase hell on earth came true when Sinai burnt. Bodies were burnt beyond recognition infact one was able to see their white bones.

 From adults to children and even pigs. It is still not yet clear how many are confirmed dead but it ranges between fifty something to over one hundred. The images that flooded our screens the whole of yesterday can only be summarised into one word horrific. One of the reporters claimed that it was a sight like those straight out of a horror movie and we cannot agree more. This has been a year that Kenyans have faced one disaster after another: from droughts to floods carry people, from road accidents to fire. We are however going to concentrate on this fire incident. The first thing that came into my mind when I heard about the fire was how did this happen. I know this is the question that many have had on their minds also. We have seen our leaders go and question KPC but still to no avail.Theres no point in pointing fingers,blaming eachother (usually we blame the politicians and the company as per kawa) coz we are all to blame.As one nigga over here is asking how,its simple
Miss So n so: this city council,politicians and KPC wote wanatuletea mashida
Crazy Kenyan:Eeeeeeeeeee and who elected the politician,who looks aside when the people construct on top of these dangerous areas,who is there demonstrating with the fellow kichwa maji to continue living in a dangerous place,who encroaches on the buffer and government lands,who cares about themselves and where the next vote comes from and not the people??????????
They say "Fool me once,shame on you,Fool me twice ,shame on me" So how many times have we been fooled??
Its sad that Kenyans need to learn things the hard way. Lets recap on the most catastrophic fires experienced in the past years,note that they were all "man-made".
In 28th January 2009 the Nakumatt Downtown in Nairobi snatched 29 people and left others injured. If you remember the story the whole thing was just because of negligence.First the highly flammable gas cylinder were KEPT INSIDE apparently to stop theft.

 When the fire started the supermarket had to ensure they secure their goods more than human lives and for that they closed the exit points(Talk about having their priorities upside down) Fire+Confusion and Panic=More deaths than we thought.

In 31st January 2009, two days later the tv screens were graced with another tragedy, Sachangwan fire. If you can remember the fire was a result from people trying to siphon, scoop,chota oil from an oil tanker that had over turned.

The police tried to stop people but when a nigga wants oil a nigga does all to get that oil. So one of the niggas thinking he is so smart/makmende since the police had stopped him decided he may as well enjoy a smoke.

Well you can guess what happened another disaster. Due that one smoke 140 people died(95 on scene) and over 200 injured .
And talk about Kenyans never learnng their lesson one day later,for those who don't know how to count we mean 2nd February,a train with cooking oil fell at Chechyna Villagein Naivasha. Guess what, they ran with buckets, jerry cans, bottles, should I say vijikos and mwikos ati to go and get some gold. Fortunately(for us labda) or unfortunately(for those with the mwikos and vijikos) the police were able to stop them.

You may think that this  is a minor issue but between January this year and July there have been roughly 126 fires that have taken place most of them in slums like line Saba Mukuru, Kibera and the list goes on. The above are mainly caused due to oil spillage but another major cause is human negligence in the houses like leaving the  house when there is a lit jiko. What do u expect for the jiko to think for itself and jizima? Or for the stove to blow its flames out,

or for that candle to go off when you fall asleep,COME ON!!!!!!!
And for our Awesome City Council with only one working fire truck which doesnot have any water or fuel and the the pipes are so ancient that you need an arm to plug a hole.

We are sure G4S is not tops with security and we trust "Makoha "the watchman more but G4S are much better in the fire fighting sector.They should boot Nairobi City Council fire fighting department.
And please ,please,please if you love yourself (vile najipenda) dont run towards fire,RUN AWAY,RUN FAR AWAY,FLEE FROM EVIL(In this case anything dangerous). You only have one life and  one chance to live so the life you have is a gift not a right. That 'so called' gold may be your ticket to death.  Lets learn from our mistakes, I know inflation is high but your life is worth so much more. We all kow that once bitten twice shy, I do no want to hear a repeat of people dying because they were scopping oil.
Its a sad thing that fathers,mothers,brothers and sisters died,heartbreaking in fact. Stay Safe.
We are not hating just saying it as it is,Harsh Realityz.

KENYAN HOUSEWIVES

       
So jana I was one with my friends who opened my eyes about how now we are constantly living on a 24hr reality show which  I call "Kenyan Single Celeb Housewives" ( Housewives of Nairobi, Housewives of Mombasa, Housewives of u name it, Kange Housewives, Jobless corner housewives and all other single housewives). Don't get me wrong am not hating on the show, they got a way to make money through shouting to the whole world about their relationship status. Kudos to them in fact if I was in a situation to make money through my relationship status I would jump for it no hesitation. But lets get this straight the dressing and the makeup is for a show. Let us just be honest the word reality is just a gimmick to get the ratings up. How the*@$# would it be reality if you have a camera crew glaring at your face. And when am talking about the camera crew am not talking about just the camera guy but also the lighting guy, the sound guy and the list could go on and on and on. And I am sure that they have takes and breaks, by now you get where am heading: THEY ARE NOT REALITY SHOWS shocking I know!!!
So enough about the show and back to the topic at hand Kenyan Single Celeb Housewives. Seriously honey what looks good on t.v. does not mean that it will look good in real life and most importantly on you. Why, you ask. Well there is this little magic tool called PHOTOSHOP and honey it doesn't work on real life. Why go kill yourself with  shoes you barely can walk on, clothes that you are clearly uncomfortable in to the point that you are so self conscious that all of us can notice and I can go on with no end. So I know that most of you guys must be saying that am hating but really I am just saying as it is. People in the streets are looking like they stepped out of the t.v. and to be honest for me it looks a bit too plastic. Don't get me wrong that does not mean that we look drab no all am saying is what happened to guys have their own sense of style. I don't mind if you decide that to look like a hobo but if you can rock it go for it .


Seriously our lack of one sense of style has lead to us looking like we are wearing a uniform. Remember when the checked shirts were "in'' in one day I think I would see about 100(OK am exaggerating but you get) and let me not even start on the tights. So the moral of the whole story I kinda think that it is about time that we try and have our own sense of style lets not dictate what we are going to wear cause we saw on t.v. I honestly think that Kenyans can have their own fashion sense if they want. Anyways guys have a fantastic day remember have your own sense of style.